Dreams
by JediJade
Summary: Once upon a time, a broken woman reflects on what it meant to dream, and to love.


There is something to be said for dreaming.

I dreamed once. I dreamt of a world where my actions would have positive consequences, of a world where I was respected and beloved. I dreamt of a world with the man of my wildest fantasies at my side, never out of reach. I dreamt that I could be happy.

I dreamed once, a long, long time ago.

And, once upon a time, my dream came true. I was a warrior queen and I saved my people from certain death. I became an admired and respected senator once my terms as queen were over. I had the best family, the best friends. And I had the love of the boy who could make my heart stop with just one glance. Oh yes, once upon a time, I was the happiest woman in the galaxy.

But like all good dreams, it soon turned into a nightmare.

My boy did not grow to be the man I knew he could be. His rash impulsiveness, so endearing when he was younger, became more dangerous as he grew older and bolder. He would not listen to reason from the elders around him who knew his weaknesses. He would not listen to anyone, save for me. If I had only given him the guidance he sought, maybe my beloved would not have turned into the monster that now stands atop the galaxy. I could have said something, anything. I could have saved the galaxy. But my love for him blinded me. My fear of losing him prevented me from speaking out, from telling him that the path he was journeying down was one I could never follow.

I could have saved the Republic. But instead, I turned the other way.

Fear does lead to the Dark Side. It impaired my judgment, it hindered my thoughts. It made me into a weak shadow of a woman that I despised. When Anakin was not around, I was strong, a vocal leader in the opposition to violence and imperialism. When Anakin was near, I let the violence into my home. I accepted it with open arms and a loving smile. I became the spineless wife I swore that I would never be. My vehemence, my strength, my talent… It was all wasted when I was around Anakin. And now, because of my failure, I am reaping the consequences. And they are more terrible than I ever could have imagined. My beloved husband, the light of my life and father of my children, is now a Dark Lord of the Sith. He has fallen into darkness and now I have lost him in a way far worse than the most horrible of my nightmares.

In the future, there will be those who look down on me for dying. There will be those who call me selfish, who say that my own failure prevented me from raising m twins. They will condemn my name forever more for refusing to live and raise them. They will say my decision cost my babies their future. But in truth, I am dying for my children.

I cannot afford to dream anymore. Dreams only lead to disappointment, and to heartbreak. If I die, I will give my children the chance their father never had. They will grow in a loving home, far away from the shadows of hatred and evil that tinged their parents' lives. If I stay alive, Anakin will continue to hunt me. They will never be safe. But if I die, the proof of their birth dies with me. They will be the saviors of the galaxy, I know it. They will redeem their father, and bring him back into the light. This I am sure of. I must die to give them the chance to restore peace. There is no place for me now in this world of corruption and deceit. I must make room for those who can bring back order to the galaxy.

Obi-Wan holds my son and I know that all will be right with him watching over my children. Obi-Wan knows my failure well, for he feels the same way. I can see it in his eyes. He believes that he could have saved Anakin as well. Life is fading from me, but in the eyes of Obi-Wan I see a glimpse of the future. Though I will die, he will watch over my babies and ensure they fulfill their true destiny. Obi-Wan will not fail twice. I envy his chance to redeem himself. But I must now let go, and take with me the knowledge and love of the man I married. For I, though I failed my Anakin, still know him better than all others.

"There is good in him, Obi-Wan, I know there is."

He searches my eyes and I feel his understanding. He is more certain of his duty now, of his chance to save the Republic and bring Anakin back to the light. I have reassured him that his cause is not lost. My final duty is done.

I dreamed once. But, like all dreams, it ended in darkness.


End file.
